when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
