You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
