so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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