Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you're hired as official boob wrangler
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
