I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
