happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
