well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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