i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
