You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
