Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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