Three words: puerto rican gang bang
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
