Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
