why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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