you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
