the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
