I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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