she was so not down for the gang bang
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
