Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
