So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Actions speak louder than pants.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
