There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize