My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
