There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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