I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
