I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
