I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
