I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
