True but thats because hes a fetus.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I want her autograph on my taint
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
