I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
