i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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