theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
