my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
