he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
