What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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