3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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