He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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