Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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