We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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