I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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