considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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