no, he came in my armpit
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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