How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
