You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
