your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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