I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
