i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
