I puked a lego.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
