you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
