I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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