God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You pole danced in your parka.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
