whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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