SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
