I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
