i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
