why didn't you poke me back
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize