bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
