why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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