I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
