i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
