Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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