I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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