So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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