I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
