Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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