make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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