mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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