I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
