I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Welp...herpes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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