Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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